The Death of Loretta LeSabre

As some of you may know, my Buick Lesabre, Loretta LeSabre passed away in January. Although Loretta wasn't with us for very long, but she will be missed. I'd like to use this time to reflect on her life.

Not a lot of people know this but, Loretta was actually born Louie LeSabre. He had a very troubled childhood getting addicted to Diesel and Premium gasoline at a young age. It wasn't until my step-mom bought him that he turned his life around and started to view the world in a positive light. For a few years he was at peace and happy although something was amiss about his life. Then tragedy struck when his long time girl-car, Josie Jeep got a bad case of vapor lock and had to be totaled. The tragedy pushed Louie over the edge and he fell in with the wrong crowd again and began mixing oil and antifreeze in with gasoline.

This is when I bought him. I tried to get him off the drugs and for a while it worked. Also during this time however, he had a sudden startling epiphany: He was supposed to be a female. Now I didn't agree with his decision, but I am a firm believer of "To each their own" and supported him regardless.

Reborn as Loretta LeSabre, she sadly began to get hooked on the oil/antifreeze combo and after a while her chassis just couldn't take it anymore. We all tried to help her, but life was just too much for her and she passed on in a terrible snowstorm in Allendale due to a blown transmission.

She wasn't with me long, but we did have our good times together. The trips to Detroit, packing friends in the roomy interior and the way she just floated down the road will forever be etched in my mind. We will miss you Loretta.

Thats no moon, thats a space station!

Haven't been on this in a while now have I?

The past month I've had terrible neck and back pain. Nothing incredibly serious, it just put me in a sour mood. You see I strained my upper trapezius muscle due to an action-packed foot chase through the crowded streets of Mumbai in which mysterious armed assassins relentlessly pursued shooting bullets every which way. Turns out it was a mistake in identity and we all had a good laugh, but still, i ended up with a pain in my neck that made the whole right side of my body numb.

Actually the truth about how i strained my neck is a lot more boring, so im not going to tell it.

Anyway. My quarter life crisis. Still going strong. Car died (more on this in another, upcoming blog). House leaked, twice. Snow. No luck with the ladies. Snow. Snow. School. Snow. Neck hogwash. So far 2011 is not proving to be the year of the Twa. But here's a theory:

All my bad luck is jammed into the beginning of the year like so much volleyball. That must mean that the rest of the year is going to be filled with the best of luck right? Yes. Im going to be a Positive Patrick about it all.

Also, I'd just like to add that the supermoon (or perigee syzygy for all you space nerds) we were supposed to have last night wasn't so super. Shame on you, moon. You broke my heart.

                                                               Here's what i wanted.

Here's what i got.

Perigee syzygy my gluteus maximus.

All of a sudden I'm a magician.

So I was routing through one of my many drawers in my room today and I got a quick glimpse of a particular pair of red boxers (one of my favorites). It quickly got covered up by my frantic rummaging, but for some reason it stuck out in my mind. As I went back to the drawer moments later looking for them I couldn't find them so I settled for a much bluer, much less appreciated pair. I thought this odd as I worriedly strolled to the shower.

"Hmm," I thought. "I could have sworn those were in there. I was hoping to wear them as a kind of relief after a long day at work, but oh well, I guess they'll turn up. Turnip. Hehe."

That was my actual thought process. Unedited.

So I began to disrobe for my shower when, to my surprise, there they were! I was wearing them the whole time! Twa-Da! I had somehow pulled a magic trick on myself without even knowing how I did it. The way I see it, that was the only logical explanation. Cool.

Loo Loo Loooo, Loo Loo.

Suggested Listening for this entry: Vince Guaraldi Trio - Christmas is Coming

Yes, Mr. Guaraldi it is. Around this time it can't be helped but to watch a few of the old christmas classics and one of which I recently watched was A Charlie Brown Christmas. Something about Charlie Brown specials relaxes me for some reason. Maybe its the cool jazz that accompanies the story, or the nostalgic warmness it brings (warmstolgic?). I don't know. But there is one thing i do know:

Charlie Brown was one of the most depressed cartoon characters ever. And he was only like 7! He puts Eeyore to shame sometimes, and that was one effing depressed donkey. After a few Peanuts specials Charlie Brown's voice changes and I'm almost certain its from all of the chain smoking and whiskey drinking he probably does to drown out his sorrow. Jeez Louise. I guess I cant entirely blame him though, the other kids are always putting him down. I mean come on all the guy was trying to do was direct a play. Douche bags.

Oh hey, remember when I said I only knew one thing about why I like CB specials? Actually I meant 2 things. The other thing is Schroeder is awesome. He is one of the coolest cats on the planet. Music is his entire world.

If for some reason some crazed scientist/cartoonist makes a machine that turns you into a charlie brown character, I would pick him because all I'd need is a piano and I'd be set. I want that kind of simplicity and skill. Plus he gets the chicks. I mean have you seen the way Lucy stares at him, with those hearts shooting out of her eyes? I wish that happened in real life too, by the way; whenever someone likes someone else, actual hearts would float around above them. It'd make it a whole lot easier to tell if a girl likes you. But I guess there'd be a lot of clean up what with all the hearts mucking about all over the place. There'd have to be a guy that goes around cleaning them up. Weddings would be a mess.

Birds thrown around.

Suggested listening: Radiohead "Scatterbrain"

Rather fitting song for this blustery day what with the crooning about force 10 gales, roofs pulling off and so forth.

Speaking about the wind, how about that wind? I mean, I'm not one to talk about the weather, but come on. Super strong winds are awesome. But, alas it doesn't feel the same way about me (Kind of like the girls i usually fall for, Bu dum tch!) It almost mercilessly lifted me off the ground several times today.

(long pause)

Hey guys what's up? Remember all that stuff i was writing about the wind not liking me? Well since then, a GIANT tree crash landed inches from the living room. I mean literal inches here by the way. I've been outside for the past half hour checking it out. No damage done to the house it turns out but the yard is now a supine sycamore so to speak. Alliteration.

Whoa. Wait a hot second here. I was just writing about the wind's rambunctious nature, when coincidentally the wind blasts a tree down inches from my house. Does this mean i have some kind of writing manifestation power? Let me try.

Writing powers! Manifest me these things: Double neck guitar and bass! A piano! All the recording equipment I'd ever need! A new car! A girlfriend! A decent paying job that allows me plenty of time to write and play music!

Now, to go check outside to see if any of those things fell from the heavens...
Shucks.
Maybe i should try for something smaller. A Turkey sandwich!

Nope. A man can dream though. Or i guess i could just get up and make a turkey sandwich.

Orwellian Shmorschellian.

Suggested listening for this entry: John Lennon "Hold on"

Cookie.

I really wish i had an afro.

Today i also kind of wished i still flew planes. I was working by an airport and whenever im around airports i get really nostalgic and on top of that, later in the day we installed a door at a pilot's house. Coincidence? probably, but still. All these aeronautical aspirations dont really help when I'm constantly trying to narrow down what I want to do. Here's a list of the jobs I've thought about pursuing today (lists are cool):
1. Pilot
2. Band member
3. Ship captain
4. Icelandic Farmer
5. Graphic Designer
6. Cab Driver
7. Inventor
8. Batman

I really just need to get out there and start trying them. I dont think I'm going to be one to stick with one job for too long. Sometimes I wish we lived in some Orwellian universe in which we're just given a career chip and forced to work where the man tells us to. If only it'wernt fer that dang free will! Ah, i'd probably get some crappy job anyway. Like a trash man or factory worker....or a politician.

i'll have a quarter life crisis with some fries please.

Suggested Listening for this entry: Beach House "Better Times"

I had a sudden realization today. this strange feeling i've been having for the past year is not just a strange feeling i've been having for the past year. That fear of not really having accomplished anything yet? That distaste for parties? That relationship that I just can't seem to start? That incredibly awful taste college leaves in my mouth? They're all connected. ITS A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS! YEAH! WOOO!

Why the excitement you ask? I guess i'm just excited that i'll have a response when people ask that dreaded question: "What are you doing with your life as of late?"
"Well sir or madame," i'll reply. "I'm right in the middle of a quarter life crisis, thank you for asking. Now if you'll excuse me, i have to get back to it." It has a nice ring to it. I'm in a quarter life crisis.

Hence this blog.

I felt the need to document this whole process for the reason of... entertainment? no thats not it. some kind of emotional release... no thats not it either. Ah, for future generations to... something or other. Wait. Oh, bother. You know, come to think of it I'm not even sure. That seems to be my normal response to everything else lately, so why not this too. Im not even sure.

I know. Im documenting it for the purpose of documenting it. Simple enough. Precious simplicity. Primplicity.